Braces.

Welp, it's official...I have braces.

I've always looked younger than my age, and even now, as a 24-year-old college graduate, people still ask me what high school I go to. And now, as a metal mouth, I truly look like a dorky 17-year-old.

There was only one thing written in the square of Monday, February 28th on my calendar: "9:40 BRACES" circled three or four times for dramatic effect. I woke up that morning to the smacking of fat, heavy raindrops outside, groaned, and rolled over to check my phone for the time. Still time to go back to sleep! Oh wait, I have an e-mail. I'll just check it really quick. From my bank. ...They need my approval? ...Potential fraudulent charges?! ...OVER A THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?!

Awesome!! I threw on some clothes, flossed, ran to get my purse, and checked my phone again in the whirlwind before I left for the bank. My roommate had sent me a text to take the dog out before I left.

I stood in the rain, my heart pounding from the hurry to leave, my mind racing and my nerves bouncing around. Tucker also just stood there, confused as to why he had to be outside when things were unpleasantly wet. He slowly ambled through the grass, tenderly placing his paws in the mud puddles. No, that wasn't the right spot. He walked over by a tree and thought about going, but didn't. Finally, the planets aligned and his spot had been chosen, and he went.

Aaaand back to rushing to the bank! Got everything squared away, and headed to the orthodontist in the pouring rain, hating the soul that decided to use my measly funds to pay for their $300 Sephora shopping spree. I was so caught up in mean thoughts that I completely forgot to be nervous about braces, but was completely reminded once I laid back in the chair and had this ridiculous contraption in my mouth to keep it open.

In the cubicle next to mine, I heard the assistant terrify a kid by explaining what happens when you don't brush your teeth when you have braces. He already sounded scared from seeing the picture she must have been showing him, and then she was all, "And then your teeth get stained, and then you get lots of cavities, and THEN you have to get a SHOT! In the MOUTH!"

As shameful ugliness in the form of metal was attached to my teeth, I realized that the palm tree in the corner of the cubicle with the fake coconut and stuffed monkey hanging down wasn't there just for the kids. I had made fun of it in my head earlier, thinking some mature, respectable looking ficus would look better, but nothing bad can happen to you in a room with a palm tree and a cute plush monkey, right?

I avoided any and all mirrors at first, and didn't take a good look at myself until I was downtown at Nordstrom Rack. A couple of my friends advised that I should treat myself to shopping for the rest of the day, and who was I to refuse such a thing? Losing every bit of your self-confidence in the Nordstrom Rack restroom mirror is exactly how it sounds: L-A-M-E. Then you find yourself wandering around Forever21, trying to find a secret corner to take a quick picture of yourself to send to your mother, who just HAS to see how her Sweet Pea looks with braces. Then you go to H&M and try on SUPER sexy black strappy heels, and you feel so good you smile at yourself in the fitting room mirror. Oops, that little bit of self-confidence you had goin' there for a second just flitted away. But you buy those shoes because after all, they ARE cheap and you can keep your mouth closed for 20 months, right?

19 months, 30 days and counting.