Netflix is great for when you want to laze around on the computer and need something on in the background. Plus you usually end up watching something really random, like a documentary on rice paddies in China, or a ridiculous 80's movie like Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, or Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead.

The latter movie is a documentary about this Australian guy who is overweight and unhealthy, and drinks solely vegetable/fruit smoothies for 60 days and gets his health back. It's a pretty decent documentary, and he says "Hold onto your pineapples!" when he's about to announce something exciting, so honestly, if that doesn't make you want to watch it, I don't know what will!

Aside from my marshmallow addiction, I generally eat healthy things. But most of the food in my cupboards, even if it's organic, is still processed. I need fruits! and veggies!

So I was watching this documentary, right, and I was laying on my bed eating knock-off Doritos (organic!) and balls of raw cookie dough (it was ORGANIC!), and I said right then and there, I said, I have to eat more plants!

In the documentary there's this little cartoon of these sad, sickly little cells being tortured by robots called "AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE" and stuff. And then the person starts eating fruits and vegetables, and these antioxidant/micronutrient fighter robots come in and defeat the baddies. And then the cells are happy and healthy again! After seeing that, heck yeah I want that happening in my body!

I may or may not have had this juice for a liiiittle too long. Rubber gripper thingy to the rescue!

Lunch. Baby Romaine, grape tomatoes, carrots, sunflower seeds, "Cowgirl Ranch" dressing (gotta represent my Texas roots...), raspberries, blueberry minions with His Royal Highness King Giant Blueberry in the top right corner of the box, banana, and vegetable juice in a beer glass.


Update: You couldn't see the sheer majesty of King Giant Blueberry so here's an up close pic. Yes, he's on a raspberry throne and he has some little berries fanning him with fronds. ...What else are you gonna do when you are eating a big salad?

Braces.

Welp, it's official...I have braces.

I've always looked younger than my age, and even now, as a 24-year-old college graduate, people still ask me what high school I go to. And now, as a metal mouth, I truly look like a dorky 17-year-old.

There was only one thing written in the square of Monday, February 28th on my calendar: "9:40 BRACES" circled three or four times for dramatic effect. I woke up that morning to the smacking of fat, heavy raindrops outside, groaned, and rolled over to check my phone for the time. Still time to go back to sleep! Oh wait, I have an e-mail. I'll just check it really quick. From my bank. ...They need my approval? ...Potential fraudulent charges?! ...OVER A THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?!

Awesome!! I threw on some clothes, flossed, ran to get my purse, and checked my phone again in the whirlwind before I left for the bank. My roommate had sent me a text to take the dog out before I left.

I stood in the rain, my heart pounding from the hurry to leave, my mind racing and my nerves bouncing around. Tucker also just stood there, confused as to why he had to be outside when things were unpleasantly wet. He slowly ambled through the grass, tenderly placing his paws in the mud puddles. No, that wasn't the right spot. He walked over by a tree and thought about going, but didn't. Finally, the planets aligned and his spot had been chosen, and he went.

Aaaand back to rushing to the bank! Got everything squared away, and headed to the orthodontist in the pouring rain, hating the soul that decided to use my measly funds to pay for their $300 Sephora shopping spree. I was so caught up in mean thoughts that I completely forgot to be nervous about braces, but was completely reminded once I laid back in the chair and had this ridiculous contraption in my mouth to keep it open.

In the cubicle next to mine, I heard the assistant terrify a kid by explaining what happens when you don't brush your teeth when you have braces. He already sounded scared from seeing the picture she must have been showing him, and then she was all, "And then your teeth get stained, and then you get lots of cavities, and THEN you have to get a SHOT! In the MOUTH!"

As shameful ugliness in the form of metal was attached to my teeth, I realized that the palm tree in the corner of the cubicle with the fake coconut and stuffed monkey hanging down wasn't there just for the kids. I had made fun of it in my head earlier, thinking some mature, respectable looking ficus would look better, but nothing bad can happen to you in a room with a palm tree and a cute plush monkey, right?

I avoided any and all mirrors at first, and didn't take a good look at myself until I was downtown at Nordstrom Rack. A couple of my friends advised that I should treat myself to shopping for the rest of the day, and who was I to refuse such a thing? Losing every bit of your self-confidence in the Nordstrom Rack restroom mirror is exactly how it sounds: L-A-M-E. Then you find yourself wandering around Forever21, trying to find a secret corner to take a quick picture of yourself to send to your mother, who just HAS to see how her Sweet Pea looks with braces. Then you go to H&M and try on SUPER sexy black strappy heels, and you feel so good you smile at yourself in the fitting room mirror. Oops, that little bit of self-confidence you had goin' there for a second just flitted away. But you buy those shoes because after all, they ARE cheap and you can keep your mouth closed for 20 months, right?

19 months, 30 days and counting.

The New Year and a Deer

My best friend Erik and I are kind of lame. At about 7 o'clock on New Year's Eve, he texts me, "Wanna hang out?" And then we decide we should probably do something since it's New Year's Eve, after all. We planned to go to the movies! And one movie ended 8 minutes before midnight! But those plans crumbled and turned into Red Box. Which eroded into watching Tosh.0 and snarfing popcorn, and then looking over at the clock at 12:01 and raising our arms and being all, "Happy New Year!" and then turning back to Tosh.0.

But we did light off a wish lantern, which was awesome except one rude gust of wind collapsed it a bit and the candle inside burned a hole through the paper. And then it floated sideways for a bit, then died in some blackberry brambles (which are very flammable, said a worried ex-volunteer firefighter Erik). (No, we did not burn Beaverton down.) I made a very important wish on that dang thing, and it dies in some brambles? What the heck does that mean for my wish?! Very rude.

The next day, I started off 2011 by working on car parts and going to the tool store. Erik had to fix the control arms (I am pretty fancy with all this car lingo) of his old Camaro, and also needed an excuse to use his new 20-ton shop press. That is what he bought on our last trip to the tool store, instead of something normal, like a drill bit or a hammer. Our trips to the tool store are usually never normal though. Who walks in and demands a 20-ton shop press and a 1-lb anvil?! Oh yeah...us.

But my anvil is cute!


So anyway, we went to Lowe's on New Year's Day, Erik's eyes glazed over in the "TOOL WORLD" section, we spent way too much time in the nuts, bolts, and washer aisle, I did NOT get to go to the home decor section despite multiple pleadings, and then I saw this, which is basically the reason for this post.

It is a crazy deer on a package for deer/mole/squirrel deterrent.

I laughed so hard when I saw this deer.

WHY DOES HE HAVE FANGS?!

I just love that the packaging artist decided to depict deer as these horrible, raging yard monsters that have canine teeth and will attack you and maul you in your sleep.